Does anyone else just want to sleep? Like, forever? Because i sure do. And i don’t mean to die. I don’t want that. Been there, done that. I was always a depressed person. I’ve always hated my life. I’ve always had bad luck with men. And I’ve always had bad luck with having girls as friends. When i was just 16 and got out of my first real relationship with the guy I had lost my virginity too, I tried to “kill myself.” I used that word lightly because at the time, i really DID want to kill myself. I wanted to die. I thought that my life should have ended once that relationship ended. I mean, who else could I possibly “love?” Who else was going to marry me? I saw no future other than him. Boy, was I wrong. That was nothing. I would LOVE to go back to that time when I thought that the end of my relationship was cause for a complete mental break down. I wish that was most of my troubles.

Now? I’m a “Grown” ass woman. I also use that term lightly. I’m 26. Legally an adult. Mentally, I think I might be 10 years old. I am depressed as FUCK! Like Jesus. I wish i could just control my emotions! Or just sleep forever and ever. Even typing this out right now, I am struggling to keep my damn eyes open!

I want to blame a lot of it on my relationship and my friendships but really, its me. I dont know if im just a piece of shit or if its others. My man constantly tells me im starting shit when i just want to vent or talk about my feelings. My friends just ignore me half the time. Maybe im just too annoying.

Update: I have decided to shut the fuck up. There is no point in me venting anymore. There is no point in my trying to resolve broken relationships. If its broke, its broke. I have tried my hardest to fix things but clearly it isnt good enough. So if they want to fix it, they will know where to find me. By my damn self in my own world listening to music or something.